Christmas :)

So its christmas. The first with my gorgeous girlfriend, but its the second since I've known her. Well sort of. We first met on christmas eve, briefly. I was hanging out with boy Harry in the hallway and girl Harri came out to give a hug and say goodbye to boy Harry. He said that she would only get a hug if she hugged me and with that she launched herself at me. Whether thats because I'm incredibly&nbsp;irresistible or she really wanted that hug from Harry we will never know, but with that the story began.<br />
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I bode my time and then did the casual facebook add with a 'hey, thanks for the hug' cheesy message. Basically worked. And from there on out it was on off facebook chat, until I finally got her number, and then even more on off texting. I still remember the first time she called me. I was hideously hungover. I think i said a total of ten sentences. I'm always so awkward whenever a girl first calls me. I have no idea why they are calling me, what they want to talk about or anything, but hey Harri can talk enough for two people and thats fine.<br />
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After lots more phone calls and meeting up I asked her out for valentines day. Nothing official, just a wanna go town and shopping? I resisted the urge to put my arm around her and kiss her, as I was having the horrible sinking feeling of being friendzoned. But it was an enjoyable day.<br />
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After months of chasing, and her refusing to give in, i finally gave the ultimatum of either start seeing me properly or we will have to stop talking as my feelings had got a little bit too deep and I didn't wanna get hurt again. She finally gave into my attractive lil face and on the 24th of March we were boyfriend and girlfriend. So we met on the 24th of december and then exactly 3 months later we were together! N'awhhh thats cute.<br />
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With lots of ups and downs the last 9 months have flown by. We've been camping in Cornwall, spent the day at Thorpe Park, seen Drake, Ed Sheeran and The Vaccines. We went to a 21st party and saw a stripper. We went all the way to Welwyn Garden City, just so she could support me doing a presentation. We've kept all the fast food places in Yate in business..<br />
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Anyway, this is just a message to say Merry Christmas to my beautiful girlfriend. Our first of many :) I hope you like your presents and I can't wait to snuggle you when i get back <3 <br />
I love you xx<br />
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No more blogs?

To be honest I probably won't be finishing my 12 things to do 2012, some of them are just too far out of reach..

And I don't really need to blog anymore because anything I have to talk or moan about I say to the girlfriend..

so in all fairness, I'm not sure when my next blogs will be!!

But thank you to anyone who has read this, I've got over 3000 views which is incredible and I never expected it

:)

Grilliam 2k12 <3 p="p">

I love my new tab so i can do gay stuff like this

http://instagr.am/p/PxhnTiGJpx/

Retail therapy

Spent money on a new tablet and some beat headphones today. Just cos I wanted to! Distract me from life and let me play more he he

i dont post as much as i should

No real updates on the list to be honest, however ive been really busy recently! ive been working hard on this presentation for head office bigwigs at work. I entered this competition and got through to the final 12 and had to travel to Welwyn last Thursday to present. If i win i get £1000! Still waiting to hear back so fingers crossed!

My nipple piercing is a little sore. It did heal up nicely but its got knocked a few times and hasnt been cleaned properly so that needs to be sorted.

Been getting a lot more social recently. I went out for a few drinks last friday night and actually had a class night out which resulted in someone breaking their ankle! All because they gave me a piggy back haha! So funny. Bad for him, but funny. Then went bowling on Sunday and absolutely sucked ass, but i put that down to ODing on flu tablets and sinking 3 ciders. I got 3 strikes and still came last? Will be going out this weekend to get paralectic, can't wait for my bank balance to be hit.

So I havent posted at all recently and its quite shit, but i have been majorly busy so its not as if im lazy.

Oh and ive stopped smoking for now. I had a compromise with my girlfriend that i would quit at the end of august so now i have had a smokefree september....so far! Dying from craving.

Anyway its time for sleeps so night night!!

another one bites a dust ah

i got my nipple pierced. its done! decided against the hip cos it was a little too gay and only lasts a couple months apparently! so got the nipple down and it looks reem atm. just need to head to the gym to get the pecs out .....

bye bye

so my mate kingz has had his final night in bristol! sad times, he has finished his placement, going back home to plymouth for a bit and then back to uni. so last night we decided to hit the town and get a lil drinky drinky on. was actually a class night, bumped into this random american and australian, complete weirdos in fairness, but they helped the night get on its way. one too many jagerbombs has made me feel a lil rough today though :(
in any case, ive spent the morning and start of the afternoon driving kingz about getting him ready to leave, came home and rested, and finally had a shower and put a wash on, and now ive just done some situps on my bench - which is killer!

really need to get a routine going where i have tea at a set time and stuff, keeping hydrated and tidying and stuff. will get me a better lifestyle and make me happier..

Bored bored bored

Life is going pretty sweet atm, got my shizz together and everything moving in the right direction. But boy am I bored!! I've been really busy last week or so, I think il buy a game. But which game, Tesco has such a shit collection.hmm

Another one bites the dust! and possibly a second in the making?

** 12 THINGS TO DO IN 2012 **
____________________________________________
1. Join a gym/create a gym


4. Get a piercing
5. Get a tattoo designed
6. Get to the next level in my job
7. Save up £2,5oo



12. Get a new car


Camping has......................GONE. I have now been camping, for the first time in ages and i so enjoyed chillaxing in a field. The weather wasnt the greatest but i didnt mind. Its all good, i enjoy the cheap holidays where you just get away from it all. Perranporth is a lovely place too! Can be a bit touristy but i expected that. The place we stayed is called Tollgate Farm and is a really great place. Clean and good facilities for campers, very friendly and family orientated. I definitely recommend it!

And also, ive just been paid so i can go get a piercing if i want to, but at the moment i desperately need a food shop and that is more on the agenda. I literally have no food left apart from a pepper which has probably gone off and one instant noodles pack lol. Oh and loads of pasta...but no sauces....hmm.

As i have just been paid though i have gone and ordered a bench to do weights on. The reviews were a bit mixed on it, but its cheap and il get what i pay for. Just cos ive got a bench doesnt mean im gonna tick number 1 off the list though, not until i actually get in the habit of working out and i feel happy enough i got all the equipment i need, il probably have to buy heavier weights though!

Getting a new car and saving up 2 and a half K is not going to happen, but the others are. The job one is a bit iffy, but im enjoying working full time and getting experience anyway, and I am doing an apprenticeship funded through the Phoneshop, so thats a qualification under my belt. All in all, everything is coming up milhouse and thats the main thing :)

cant sleep

feel like i need to go for a midnight run or something. except its not midnight. ohh.

Perranporth!!

So another thing is gonna be ticked off next week...IM GOING CAMPING!!

Me and Harri are going to go down to Perranporth for a couple nights after finally booking it and begging for the time off work :)

My moods have began to level out a bit now, still a little shaky though. Beginning to get a grip on them though, been pretty good recently however. Have been to Bristol Harbour festival which was pretty cool. Had a kangaroo burger and a nice walk down the waterfront! Been spending my dough a bit too much casually and back to budgeting for the next 10 days until payday. Not ideal with camping happening just before payday but oh wells!

Been smoking so much recently too and wanna get a handle on that. I do need to quit cos il save the money! Plus it will make Harri happy. Been together 4 months now which have flown by. Not been without its drama but well worth it when i see her smiley gorgeous little face. Just wish she wouldnt be so scared about my moods! Its not down to you babe!! I promise :) I just have issues i guess but im sorting it.

Sat out in the garden on my day off and its so blimming hot! Lush, although it looks like Snoopy has just shat everywhere and it stinks. Lovely. Cheers for that dog.

If my calculations are correct i will have some xtra moolah next month so gonna get me a bench and start working on my upper body. Im so weak and it sucks (omg snoopy that stinks)

Anyways time to chillax with some tunes and enjoy the rest of my day off. Even if there are only a few hours left :(

necessity

After a hard day sometimes you just need to sit back, have a cider, have a pizza and have a cigarette. Its the little things in life and you have to slow down and appreciate what you have and what you have to gain.

Self conscious

When the media blasts you with what you should do and look like, and when the public take it all in and follow trends; its hard to think you're perfect. Constantly comparing yourself to other people even if its celebs or friends or strangers can be so damaging to self esteem.
However you just have to remember YOU are YOU. You're always going to be you. Nothing can change that apart from you. Why would you want to change yourself though? Why try and fit into the media and public image. Be different. BE SOMEONE YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH. No one else matters. If I want to go out in joggers, bed hair and a vest top, I should do it. If i want to be a geek and learn about world events, I will. Fuck it, if i want to be a clown i should fucking do it.

The most important thing is just being you. Don't better yourself cos you think you're not perfect, because 99 times out of a 100, you already are. Being yourself equals being perfect. In my eyes anyway.

But, hey, I complain about this and that about myself... I'm skinny and weak. Well.....I should go to the gym then...but only because I want to. If im doing it to 'fit in' then fuck the other guys. Haters gon' hate no matter what you do.

So i'll change for me. Like i said no one else matters. Just moi.

The xx - Angels

Chloe

WOW! Over 2000 views for the blog, cant believe i've hit so many!

So yeah the other day i was hating life but it was just one of those phases. I get really negative and think the world is against me :( feeling a bit better now though. Have gone out with my mate who i havent seen in ages and had a good catch up and finally met Chloe...and what a cutie! Cannot wait to start building towers that she can knock down! I need to get her a lil teddy, from me :)

I've got some savings this month, but dunno if they will last. 19 days until payday! we will see though. If not i will have to decide what to spend it on. A piercing? Bench? Clothes? Keep it saved for deposit on car insurance? hmmmmm who knows

new addition

So there is a new addition to the Teague family, my brother has added a lovely daughter to his family. Chloe Elizabeth Teague :)

I am really happy for them and cant wait to meet her!


Its just such a shame that right now i am hating life. Again i just feel like nothing is going right.

FML

Where too??

So over halfway through the year so i should be over halfway through my list. But im not. Bad times. Really need to start saving up my money... so hard to do though! Really need the willpower!

Well by the end of the summer im hoping to have a piercing and a tattoo. Just a small tattoo somewhere but thats a maybe. The piercing il definitely get but im still unsure. Do i get my nipple again or go for the hip??

And i need to go camping as well! Need to book the time off work and sort something out with Haribo <3

Im getting there, i dont think il get a new car or 2 and a half grand, No way in hell. But the rest? Well, we'll see :) xxxx

1 more down...

** 12 THINGS TO DO IN 2012 **
____________________________________________
1. Join a gym/create a gym


4. Get a piercing
5. Get a tattoo designed
6. Get to the next level in my job
7. Save up £2,5oo
8. Go camping



12. Get a new car

So, another one bits the dust. I have been abroad ladies and gentlemen. I went to Italy for a loong weekend, and it was amazing. The place we stayed at was this converted farmhouse into a villa, and it was huge! Had a swimming pool and everything, was bliss! So, so hot. Was a bit of a shock to come back to England for the highest temperature to be 15, and in Italy it to be just under 40.

I went to Italy for my cousins wedding, which was a bit of a strange one. Such a cultural difference in Italy, but i loved it!

Back now though, no more lounging around the pool in stifling heat :( BOO!

Hugs

A hug leads to a FB msg, a FB msg leads to a request, a request leads to FB chat, FB chat leads to texts, texts lead to phone calls, calls lead to cups of tea, tea leads to valentines day date, date leads to cuddles,  cuddles leads to arguments, arguments leads to becoming FB official, FB official leads to the start of a brand new relationship, that relationship leads to now

<3

Compromise

I have always banged on about how relationships need compromise. Today I have realised that I don't actually compromise on alot. I get the other person to compromise themselves on everything to cater to my needs, and my selfishness and ego blind me to think im being a good boyfriend

Its finally my time to start compromising, and to start adapting myself to fit someone else. I have always believed that the other person will love you, for you, so you shouldnt have to change. I am a firm believer in that. Never ever change yourself for someone else. If its personality, attitude, looks - these are things that are yours, and shouldnt change for anyone else. However, certain things you have to change in your lifestyle to cater the other persons needs. This is something I will try to start doing now. Two people fall in love with eachother, but dont assume that it is because you are perfect. No one is perfect. I am far from perfect, but if you believe the other person is perfect then you should be able to alter a few things to help that person understand how perfect you think they are.

My girlfriend Harri, is in my eyes completely perfect. And it hurts me to see her so insecure, especially about how she looks. In my eyes, she looks drop dead gorgeous. And this is when she's in PJ's with her hair tied back with no make up on. If i have to change a few things in my life to make her feel like that then i will, because how i act now, even if i think im doing no wrong, can be misconstrued and make her feel insecure.

I'm willing to change and challenge myself to become a better person and more importantly a better boyfriend.

24/12/2011
24/03/2012
24/??/20?? <-- i wonder what beholds our relationship next :)

<3

The phantom Gig

WOW! Can't believe i forgot that?! I'm so embarrassed. I also went to see Drake! Which i guess was so awesome i forgot about it! I think the reason i forgot is because i never bought the ticket for it so i dont remember spending lots of money. Of course my darling girlfriend got it for me for my 21st birthday :)

So yeah, 3 gigs now :) Which means there are 8 things left to do...and im going abroad next week to Italy so thats another one down! Woop woop! Can't wait!

One more down, 8 to go!

** 12 THINGS TO DO IN 2012 **
____________________________________________
1. Join a gym/create a gym


4. Get a piercing
5. Get a tattoo designed
6. Get to the next level in my job
7. Save up £2,5oo
8. Go camping
9. Go abroad


12. Get a new car


Can you see which one is gone? It's the three gigs one! Woop woop! So i went to this event on Saturday called Sh*t The Bed. Loads of DJ's played and was an alright night. Didn't stay for all of it, but technically, i did go to another gig.. so including Nero and errrr what was the other one? I definitely have been to 3 gigs this year now...i swear. hm. I'l come back to this...

Join a gym

I have decided that im modifying my number one thing to do in 2012 which is join a gym, to join a gym/create a gym. I think longterm it will be better to buy a bench with weights and workout at home than to pay monthly on something i probably wont take advantage of and waste my money.

Timestamps

Also, the timestamps have now been fixed to show when i actually posted.

PS cant believe ive almost hit 1,500 views! Crazy!!

The sixth month

Im failing so far in this yearly quest of things to do.


1. Join a gym


4. Get a piercing
5. Get a tattoo designed
6. Get to the next level in my job
7. Save up £2,5oo
8. Go camping
9. Go abroad
10. Go to three gigs

12. Get a new car

I am yet to join a gym, get a piercing, get a tattoo designed, go abroad, go to 3 gigs or go camping. All easy things! This month i will be going abroad as its a cousins wedding in italy so that should be ticked. Im gonna buy a bench for my room to do weights, so if i start working out il tick that join a gym one as technically i went one better and made one. I want my nipple redone and my hip pierced, and i think i might just get a random walk in tattoo one day in the summer if i can afford it! Of course all these things cost money, so no i will not be getting a new car or saving up 2 and a half grand. And i very much doubt il be getting to the next level in my current job so i may have to start looking elsewhere!

....

Think im falling

Summer Reem

So nice to just be relaxing in the garden in the sun. Sweating because of blue skies!! And Harri is looking so lush today, mega proud to call her my girlfriend. =)

Nordic Waterfall

i feel like my whole world is crashing down around me.
my mind has just gone blank, i really dont know what to say or do.
hm.

Homesick

I really miss Devon and im getting really homesick. The fact that in the summer I won't be able to drive and go on the hoe really depresses me. I could go during the day and lounge in the sun or in the evening and chill by the sea. So far away from Plymouth :(

legs hurts

We are now into May, and ideally by now i would have done 5 things on my list. The easiest one is to join the gym but i have yet to do that because i have no dollar :( so today i asked mark my housemate who used to be a personal trainer or something to give me a few exercises to make me buff. and now i hurt. lots. :'(
I didnt even do that much but it has definitely shocked my body!!

payday soon on friday and i cannot wait! gonna be so good. hopefully its not gonna be a small amount or i might cry haha

I need the following -

Ham and cheese sandwich
A cup of tea
A shower

I just found melted chocolate on my stomach...

Finally, a happy post.

 I just sent a night night text to my beautiful girlfriend saying about going to la la land and having sweet dreams and such.

And then i realised, im already in la la land. Im already living the dream. Its not perfect, but its surreal. If you told me 2 years ago that I would be living in Bristol (Yate) by myself and a few house mates, with a full time phoneshop job and the most dropdead gorgeous girlfriend ever. I would have thought, if that is true, that sounds like a lot of work im not gonna do, so no, lies.

 Im really really fussy when it comes to girls, like majorly fussy. So when people ask me about my type, i dont really know what to say. But i knew that when i first laid my eyes on Harri, she was my type.

Long hair - check
Long thick hair - check check
Gorgeous, naturally pretty face - check
Small proportioned nose - check
Collar bones - check
Slim skinny figure but with curves in the right place - check check check
Fashion sense - definite check
Did i mention the hair? - Check

Shes amazing :) And i wouldnt be here now with out her.

<3

Everything just go away, please?

I want everything to disappear.. I want to be in devon.. I want to be fit and healthy.. I want to stop being so stubborn.. I want some money.. I want to stop giving up so easy.. I want memories to be erased.. I want to learn to fight.. I want to stop being left behind.. I want to impress.. I want to feel the sea breeze passing through me.. I want to run and never stop.. I want to hide.. I want to stop being such a fuck up.

what is the point?

when i think of a perfect life, it really couldnt be more different from what it is now. Im not talking about having millions of pounds, a fancy house, fancy lifestyle and being famous or whatever, i mean that would be nice, but its just a fantasy. Its not going to happen.

I am just a distinctly average joe. I have a day job, i work hard for little money, never go anywhere, never fulfil life dreams, pay my taxes, retire, and die.
And if im going to do that, i at least wanna be happy when i do it, right?
Can you be happy when you do it? Course you can.

Its all about the who,what,why,when,where and how.

It depends on who you are with.
What you are doing as a job, and socially.
Why you do it, what are your reasons?
When you do things in your life, its all about timing.
Where do you live your life.
And how do you do everything.

Pretty vague things, but if you think about it, if all these things are positive your life would be pretty perfect.

I have never had a good circle of mates, i have a couple of close people around me but they come and go.
Im beginning to hate my job and i dont have a social life.
I do things, because i have to. If i didnt, i would die.
My timings in life have always been shit.
I live my life in the wrong place, feels like another country.
And how do i do everything? Pretty damn lazily.

I dont give a flying monkeys about anything tbh. I really really dont. If by a miracle i did win the lottery, there are plenty of things i would love to do, but in the end, all i wanna do is lay in bed and watch tv, play xbox and be on my laptop.

I dont care for anything, i dont even care for myself. I only eat, because my body needs at least one small meal a day. If i had my way i wouldnt eat at all. I am perfectly fine with wasting away in my bed.

Yeah its a pretty loserish thing to do, but thats how much i just dont care.

I dont care.

About anything.


I really, really don't.

Ughh

Oh hello stomach lining, how nice to see you again.

eurgh

I felt like i was going to be sick earlier, like i nearly puked up.
All because i thought i had lost harri.

Its crazy, we've been together for like 3 days but it feels right. i feel it could build into something more.

And when i thought that it was over before it had begun, it actually devastated me. right to the core.

Coming to the end of March

So this list dealio, number 11 is now ticked off!! I am now seeing someone and have an awesome girlfriend, who you can probably guess who it is.

So yes, this is the list at the moment


1. Join a gym
2. Move out into own place

4. Get a piercing
5. Get a tattoo designed
6. Get to the next level in my job
7. Save up £2,5oo
8. Go camping
9. Go abroad
10. Go to three gig's

12. Get a new car

Numbers 1,2,4,5,9 and 10 should all be ok to do this year. So looks like its going to be a good year. I might like revise the list in the summer, cos my aspirations may change and i might want different things, we'll see.

But yeah, so happy :) looking forward to my birthday next week, moving in to my new house on Sunday. Plus, dunno, if ive mentioned, but ive got this girlfriend who is completely lush (tru dat tru dat)

This is how i feel..

I'm just really happy :))))

Finally

You know when people say things like -

"My girlfriend is so freaking pretty"
"Check out how hot my girlfriend is"
"Yup, thats my girlfriend, jel?"

Well, now i get to say things like that.

Because, FINALLY, Harri has accepted she likes me and wants to be with me, and its now facebook official we are going out. Woop woop <3

Actually so happy. :D
Waited so long for this and i dont really know what to say, im just really happy :)))

:D

Harri

If you are not my girlfriend by end of this week i will slap you :)

Update on to do list........

1. Join a gym
2. Move out into own place

4. Get a piercing
5. Get a tattoo designed
6. Get to the next level in my job
7. Save up £2,5oo
8. Go camping
9. Go abroad
10. Go to three gig's
11. Start seeing someone
12. Get a new car


So im moving into yate in a couple weeks, pretty excitin. Lookin forward to being fully independant, but scary but its all about becoming an adult :) i was thinking today though im really gonna miss the beach in the summer. there isnt a good one around for ages, i really wanna visit home and just spend all my time out and about on the beacon, on the beach or at the hoe. god i miss the hoe, one of my favourite places. say what you want about plymouth, and i know im probably saying this cos im missing it, but its pretty lush.
Anyway, once ive moved to yate, il be joining the gym, gotta get my body looking lush for the summer dont i. and ive gone proper weedy cos i dont eat alot so i really need to get back into shape. get the abs and the pecs back ;) and once thats done i can get my piercing, unsure what i want now though.
The tattoo has a hit a bit of a roadblock, but i kinda know what i want, so its just actually getting it done.
going abroad is gonna be easy as im going to italy for a wedding, camping can be done, maybe i can go camping in the summer back in devon?
saving 2 and a half K, gettin a new car and getting to the next level in my job are things that arent gonna happen i dont think. but never say never.
ive been to see nero, it was fuckin epic, loved it. far too much jaeger though lol. ive got ed sheeran later this year so that just leaves one gig left :)
and with starting seeing someone, you cant really plan that. but im sure something will come along this year, i cant spend it all just single! maybe a summer romance will occur, you never know :P

over and out

ARGHGEHGJGER rage.

yuweafyajgvmjdsf,hadsgugadjdjbiocvbjjb jjsuuulyzcvuyv;z;asdfuioxcvjh b zxhgvfzxuvhujjjjjjkxzvohu;iugvv;iugzxv@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@###########

basically. yeah.

URGHHHHHH ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH

kinda sums up how i felt

put my heart on the line, fucked over. again.

fml.

Life sucks. I like to think everything happens for a reason, but i was thinking that with a positive outlook on life.

Everything can be turned upside down though, and yet again, i let it.

I dunno why i do this, i should have learnt this by now, never open yourself up to ANYONE.

Chase & Status - Time ft. Delilah

Bloody Smarch Weather

It's March! The third chapter of my 2012 blog :) This is the first blog in a while as I've had a bit of a heavy time.

I'd just like to take this time to pay tribute to my wonderful Gran who sadly passed away this week. I can't believe you've gone, and I can't bare to think about it. It hasn't really sunk in yet and I will miss you incredibly. I love you Gran, and again, I can't believe you're gone. xxx

Again I've been ill this week, so for the first time in my life I took a couple days off work. It was compassionate leave as well I guess, but there was no way I was in a fit state to work. Saturday I went back and I nearly fainted right at the start of my shift, and I broke down on the walk in from the car park too but once I got my mind on the job I managed to pull together and get through the day nailing my target as per usual.

So at work, Ryan is leaving which means I am the last member of the original team! Literally, they should call me the original. But good news is that Rachel is joining our team who is an epic saleswoman so she will really help the team, bad news is that cos she can only work until 6 all my shifts have been swapped to lates. Not really a happy bunny but look on the bright side - LIE IN!

On Tuesday I will be looking at a house to share a room in. Its quite a popular one so hopefully it will be what Im looking for and the people are cool cos I have planned to move out on my birthday, which means another thing off my list! Then I would join a gym in Yate and get buff, I can focus on work and I'm also going to a wedding in the summer so thats me going abroad! I can easily go camping, get a piercing and a tattoo designed. I've got one guy starting a tattoo design but think hes lost interest. I've got two gigs booked, and hopefully, I will start seeing someone soon!

She says she doesnt want to rush into anything, and i dont either, but dont get me wrong, i really like this girl. I just wanna go with the flow and see what happens. I just wanna be exclusive only for eachother though. Who knows what will happen, life will twist and turn and you never know what is gonna slap in your face next!

Things arent looking too bad at the moment, lets see what happens in March, bring it on

Ive fallen for your eyes, but they dont know me yet.

You know that feeling where you never think that songs are gonna mean something to you again, like love songs or certain lyrics. I've had that for a while, but I just listened to some of Ed Sheerans album again, first time in ages, and some of the lyrics just struck a chord with me. The song 'Kiss Me' really made me feel something again and Im really surprised it did.

Also this one -

...I surrender up my heart, and swap it with yours..

You don't know me at all

It really sucks when someone says that you don't know them. Especially when all you want to is get to know everything about them!!

Not so smokefree

I was trying so hard to not smoke today but its like the shittest day at work. Ugh I hate it. I wish I could just change how everything was run. I told my area manager how I should just be in charge. He laughed, but knew I was being serious. I just wanna go on the hoe, on the beach or on the beacon. Perfect.

Agitated

I'm feeling really agitated for some reason, I think its coz im confused. I dunno if I would wanna move back home or stay here. I feel like im in a limbo, not quite sure of myself. There's pros and cons for both places. I'm not sure where il be happiest though... Is there any point moving back home? Will i be able to make things work up here? Arghhh dunno need a coffee with some to just sit down and chill and chat

Finally.....

Have you ever thought about your perfect date? I know what mine would be and it wouldn't cost much. It wouldn't be to please the girl either, coz if I have to go out of my way to make them enjoy themselves then its not gonna work. If they're naturally happy with what's goin on then you know that you're quite similar to them, and you would be able to hang out with this person again and again. I know exactly what my perfect date is, one day hopefully il have it!

This blog sux

Looking at my posts, they all seem to be either me hating life or about how i need someone.

I'm such a moody needy bastard.

Two Tales

I've got a story, everybody has
mines not interesting, my love in a cast
your standard average heartbreak
take the sails down the mast
I have two tales, one i hope lasts.


one to ground you
the other to stop
one or the other
never to swap
one so painful
the other so playful
You can have two anchors
so always be careful
one will pull the strings
the other will break them
dangerous fingers
never to ring
each to their own
i wish you weren't shown
what im capable of
my cover is blown

I'm writing my story, time to ink
It may not be intersting, my heart will not sink
Once more into the abyss you call your love
Locked in your stare, but now i can blink
i need to go searching for my missing link

Blurgh.

I feel like poop. Not really a blog but interesting all the same.

Hook Line and Sinker

You know that feeling where you just really wanna see someone. You don't know what you would do or say, you just wish you could see their face. Give that person a hug or receive a cuddle off of someone else or just wanting to see that person one more time. I wanna do this.
I wanna see my mum and give her a hug.
I wanna go see my gran and just hold her hand.

And i want that cuddle off of this certain person, i don't even care if its just for a minute and then i shoot off again. Just sit on the sofa watching tv with them in the room or something.

Sometimes people just need that someone there, and i know who i want in my present company right now...

Me and this person have got so comfortable so quickly with each other, our introduction was a hug. Towards the end of our first meeting up i was getting a reaction to put my arm around her. I feel like i can just be myself around her, and my stress levels lower and a smile appears on my face. :)

I like this, alot.

I am rubbish

I am rubbish at this whole life thing. I constantly make mistakes and fuck up, or just dont take opportunities or make the wrong choices, either way if life was a game then i would have ran out of lives by now.

i dunno what to do

12 things to do in 2012 (UPDATE)

1. Join a gym When I can be bothered

2. Move out into own place Soon

3. Pass marketing course

4. Get a piercing (hip) Hmm prob never

5. Get a tattoo designed IN PROGRESS

6. Get to the next level in my job Unlikely

7. Save up £2,5oo LOL

8. Go camping Maybe hopefully :)

9. Go abroad Tickets to Italy booked!

10. Go to three gig's Ed Sheeran and Nero Booked

11. Start seeing someone ...<3....

12. Get a new car God, I need a new one

Take2

So I got this new phone and downloaded this app where I can post to my blog! Can't edit or anything though and still getting used to it but just expect more posts!! =D

My new phone.

Time to solve the cube

Hatin life.

Reading back through my blog, my mood goes up and down like a cliché yo-yo. Well this evening Im down. I just get this overwhelming feeling of massive 'can't-be-assed-ness'. Not like me being lazy and not bothering to do something I mean with life in general.

Like what is the point in putting effort into something when you don't get anything in return.

It's like setting a goal you know your never gonna achieve. Why bother setting it, you start off all hunky dory and motivated, but you know you're just going to fail and be miserable because of it.

I set off to live in Bristol to get away from things and start afresh, but I never wanted to move in the first place. So I was bound to fail and now I just feel crap because of it.

But its not just that, everything just makes you feel crap. Your job, your social and love life and money are the key things that bring people down. Why is that these things can make other people so happy. Are there certain people in the world that just aren't meant to be happy?

Well I used to be happy, but I got that taken from me, and now every time I try and rebuild my happiness it gets thrown back in my face.

I always say I'm not gonna bother trying, and then the next day I pick myself up and motivate myself again and keep going.

I live with constant false hope, and it sucks gravy ass.

So, tonight before I go bed, I'm gonna solve my rubik's cube and feel good about myself knowing that I'm one a of a few amount of people that can do it.

Good. Night.

One lil thing

Its just the one lil thing that can bring you down,

a feelin, an idea, a thought or a sound

a spoken word, an unwanted answer,

something more physical like a disease or cancer

you thought you had it figured

it slips away from ur grasp

you never had it figured

your ego just amassed

infatuated, deluded

clutching at straws

your life is a mess

try and make it yours

Can you ever get over an ex?

Can anyone get over a serious relationship ending before you wanted it to end?

Short Answer - No

Of course you can't. Its like a feeling of mourning, a massive part of you dying.

When you hear that sentence leave those lips you adored so much, your heart does actually sink. You get that feeling in your chest, stomach and nothing will be the same again.

Forgiveness? Not an option. Revenge? Maybe. Depression? Definitely. Regret? Hells yeah.

But regret for what? For the relationship? For what happened? Yes, in the moment I guess you do feel regret, but at least that stops. Well it should do.

If in 6 months time you still feel regret, then you have to have a long hard think about what you're regretting because what has happened, has shaped who you are now. No matter what happens in your life, you are you because of it.

"Everything happens for a reason"

So if my ex never cheated on me, I wouldn't be living with my brother and his family. I wouldn't be as close to my 2 year old niece as I am now. I wouldn't have a full time job. I wouldn't have met some of the people who I feel if I didn't meet, I would be gutted. I wouldn't have experienced 'Shit The Bed'. I wouldn't have gone pub with my mate every few weeks. I wouldn't have got to know my brother so well, before I moved here I never really knew him. I wouldn't have been one of the first to know that my sister-in-law was pregnant again. I wouldn't have Ed Sheeran and Nero tickets. This blog wouldn't have been created. I wouldn't have found out how much some people care about me. I wouldn't have met a certain someone and her lovely mum. And most importantly of all - I wouldn't be who I am right now...

William Robert Teague

2nd April 1991

Before. Then. Now.

I much prefer the 'Now' picture.

Amazing how things can change...

Things can change in a blink of an eye. Your mood, the weather, your hopes and dreams and your worries and fears. And its amazing how one thing can just take away everything and make it feel like nothing is changing. Thats how i feel right now, i feel like nothing is changing but i feel like im moving forward with life, myself and generally everything. But I am one to get wrapped up in my own little bubble and to over exaggerate things, so in a days time i could be completely different. Like i said, things can change in a blink of an eye.

But theres been this one thing in my life now for only a lil while which seems to be a constant. I can rely on this one thing to ground me and bring me back to earth. Even though its the same thing that gets me wrapped up in my own lil bubble.

yes I still want to move back to devon, but i could do that later. I could stay in bristol, yate for a couple years and then move on. But im not making plans, im fed up of making long term plans. Im gonna live for the here and now, well, ish. You have to plan certain things ;)

But yeah, this one thing - I am so glad its entered my life. Makes me happy, makes me smile. And i hopes stays in my life for a long long time, because that thing, is the thing thats keeping me in Yate, and more importantly, keeping me going on with life :)

A few ways to get someone to like you...

So someone recently asked me how you can get someone to like you and as it was valentines day yesterday maybe this is a bit late, but meh - Here are some class A tips! (WARNING: these will never work and should not be attempted)

If you like someone, and feel theres that little spark perhaps, then there are a couple ways to seem more likable to that person -

1) Make them laugh! If you are naturally funny and can make that person laugh then they will like you a helluva lot more then they did. Laughter is key and if you share the same sense of humour then its awesome.

2) Be there for that person. Theres nothing worse then being down and the one person you want to be there for you isn't, so make sure that when the other person just needs a smile put back on there face then you should do it! If you can do number one then number two will be easy.

3) Trust the person and they will trust you back. Trust is a massive thing in any relationship and should be the number one priority.

4) Treat them nice. If its a hug or a cuppa tea, a small gesture can make a big impression.

5) Have a laugh. If you hang out with this person, and theres a constant smile on both your faces then you know things are going well.

So yeah, easy simple ways that everyone should know really. But be careful, if u actually like this person as in want to be with them, then make sure you dont get friend zoned!

Britains next top model

Britain's next top model should be me. I would love to be the face of Topman, it would be awesome. I like all the clothes and the styles and i want a cool haircut. So yes, i want to be a model

For Barri

Possible ways to die

As Barri isnt in the happiest of moods i thought id try and cheer them up by listing possible ways they could die -

1) You choke on your own hair when you're chewing it, and die.
2) You're in such a rush to see me at work, you fail to notice how the travelator is actually never ending, and you keep running up it, but you never get to the top, and because of exhaustion, you die.
3) You to try to take off a tshirt, but you get trapped in it, and die.
4) You are really angry with your phone as its crap and you throw it against the wall, and it rebounds and hits you in the face, and you die.
5) You make a time machine, go back in time, get eaten by a dinosaur, and die.
6) At the Ed Sheeran gig, you cry so much, you get dehydrated, and die.
7) Your so excited to meet me outside of work, your heart beats too fast, and you die.
8) Your watching TV, and want to be on the TV show, like TOWIE, so you try and climb into the TV, only for it to fall on you, and squish you, and you die.
9) You mistake a ginger guy with a guitar as Ed Sheeran, and when you realise its not Ed, you slap him, but then this guy is actually an axe wielding maniac, gets his axe out of his guitar case and chases after you. You run away into the woods, and live there for the rest of your life in hiding, and die.
10) The axe wielding maniac misses you, slices off his own head, you slip on his pool of blood, hit your head, and die.


Hope this somehow cheers you up :)

Chapter 2 of 2012

So its February and Ive done nothing on my list. My main concern at the moment is getting the MOT done on my car, but cba. I cba to do alot of things. Im pretty lazy, like barri.

What i do want to do though is go to a few different gigs and work out what to do for my 21st! No ideas what so ever so far, plus with my zero amount of friends its hard to work something out. hm, fml.

Anyway I have a headache

i am so f###ing shattered

So my working week is finally over, but i am absolutely shattered. Ive been eating, sleeping but just working so much is taking its toll on me. So i have my sunday tomorrow off and then back to work for me.

Reason work is tiring me out is because we're one person short in our team, but we still have to hit the full sales target. (oh by the way im a phone salesman) and basically im the only competent person in my team, who works their butt off. I get around 55% of the shops sales when im supposed to be getting about 40% of the sales. my team sucks, and in any case we're underperforming anyway. I nearly hit my target every week, the other guys dont get anywhere close. 'Bryan' didnt even get any sales this week!

The best bit is that my manager is going on holiday for a week and a half so added pressure for me as im left in charge. Never done anything like that before. Really wanna do well to prove i can do it! Hopefully it picks up and i can be like, look, i can do this. But we will all probably fail and get fired, yay! So im gonna be getting double the workload for the next couple weeks, yay even more tiring for me!!

Plus this one guy called 'barri' sucks at texting back *hint hint*

I hate you 'Barri'

So basically this guy Barri, wow, just wow. He constantly gives me abuse, tells me to die and hopes that i do. In fact im prettty sure if i did die, he would cheer and laugh.

And what did i do to deserve this? Nothing :O

Maybe its cos I heard ed sheerans new song before he did? i dunno :/ cos a new one has just come up with a collab with Yelawolf or w/e hes called, you know that guy signed to eminems label. Anyway, hes tattooed to fuck.

I want tattoos. Loads of them, wanna be absolutely inked da fook'd up. like sleeves, up my neck, legs, chest, bum ,shoulders and back. cheeky one on my foot why not. But then i probably wont do that, even though i would love to.

It would have to be perfect though, and have a theme...hmm :/

Ideas??

I need a can of man up

So at the moment I have a bad case of man - flu. Possibly the worst thing in the world.

Urban dictionary describes it as -

The condition shared by all males wherein a common illness (usually a mild cold) is presented by the patient as life-threatening.

This is also known as 'Fishing for Sympathy' or 'Chronic Exaggeration'.

When the patient is your boyfriend, he will exhibit the standard symptoms (such as an overwhelming desire for compassion) while simultaneously rejecting any and all efforts you make to placate him.

You: Awww, you poor fella.
Him: I'm DYING!
You: (Soothingly) Oh, you're not dying Cy.
Him: (Indignant) I AM! I have Man Flu!
You: Do you need some sympathy?
Him: Yes! But no one understands my pain...
You: I understa-
Him: NO YOU DO NOT!!!

So yeah, I'm dying. All self inflicted of course as I went out partying and had lil sleep, lil water and lil food. Good times at the time, bad times now. Poo.

And as of my list, yes you are correct in that I've done nothing yet. I really need to sort my life out, work is going shite and on the verge of being fired if i dont start hitting my targets, i keep wasting money on crap i dont need, i stay in my bed all day on my days off instead of doing constructive stuff. I need to get less lazy but i do not know how to do this :/ I need to wake up and get up straight away, shower, dry, have breakfast, make lunch, get changed, and do my hair obvs. Love my hair, has to look good, which is problem as it does nothing. Its crappy, no matter what i do to it it can never look good. Oh! Also massive spots on my face, ugh, so ugly right now. Basically im a moody person anyway but now im faced with a life threatening illness (man flu) everything is depressing and grey. oh the pain.

Onto the next subject, should i go Isle of Wight festival. Its affordable, not too shabby line up, it would be camping and overseas...hmmm i wanna go but need some people to go with!! I shall have to think on this....

Anyway here's a random picture

Update on to do list....

So I still haven't done anything on my 12 things to do in 2012 list.

Bad. Times.

One of this first things I was going to do was join a gym, and I'm still aiming to do that in January, I just haven't got round to it. I am a pretty lazy person, just ask anyone in my family. Im the laziest, and I cant really get out of the habit. I am perfectly content to sit and do nothing.

Anyway, I havent joined a gym yet, but I did go play football tonight! I know right?! Hashtag Amaze-balls. Was the first time I went football training for a couple months and I survived. AND i even scored!! Finally, my first goal, was swish as well. So happy :))

Anyway, here's a pic

(Shes called Tess and is almost 11 years old :))

Why people should love themselves

Some people think it's bad to 'love' yourself, or think alot of yourself. Admittedly arrogance is one of the worst things in a personality, but loving yourself doesn't mean that you are arrogant, it doesn't even mean that your 100% confident. I think that sometimes just being happy with the way you are can come across in those ways.

I myself, can sometimes come across as cocky or arrogant, but I'm totally not. Most of the time its just a front, but in my opinion, if you don't 'love' yourself, no one else will so you have to seem that little bit arrogant.

So basically, I think its ok to love yourself, it means that your happy with who you are and if your happy, other people will be happy too!

Here's another random picture -

Nando's

What is the point in nandos? Why does everyone love it? To me it's just chicken, and thats it. If i wanted tasty chicken i would go to KFC. Or Id go to tesco and get some and cook it myself - much cheaper. I mean the actual choice at nandos is pretty piss poor, and the chicken isnt half as tasty as many people harp on. So yes, Nandos is overrated.

HMM PONDERINGS (drunk)

So ive been out for a couple drinks with my brother. I dont really know my brother that well cos i havent lived with him for ten years but im living with him now and ive decided that we should go out for a drink more often! anyway, im probably gonna stay in bristol (yate) theres no point in bailing out. i should stick with it and just carry on. Ive only been here for 4 months, i mean come on, im a 20 yr old with a full time job whos moved away from home. Who else can say that?! I should make the most of it and fully achieve everything i can, i mean i have the potential to be fully amazing at everything so i should do it.

Anyway, heres a random pic - hope u enjoy it

Movin' Back?

The option of moving back to Devon is increasingly becoming more and more attractive. Ever since I've moved to Bristol its sucked. And that was about 4 months ago, thats nearly half a year. I just cant be bothered to make an effort anymore in this rancid place when I get nothing in return. In a few months time I will have to move out of my brother's house and I don't think I wanna stay here by myself. I mean I already feel like I'm by myself. I literally feel like I have nothing.

I wanna go back to this place -

^ Life couldn't be any more perfect ^

12 things to do in 2012

Last year I had 11 things to do in 2011, and I achieved about 8 of them which I was pretty impressed about. Well this time I'm gonna try again with 12 things to do in 2012. That's one a month, totally doable. After little thought and few musings I came up with the following -

1. Join a gym
2. Move out into own place
3. Pass marketing course
4. Get a piercing (hip)
5. Get a tattoo designed
6. Get to the next level in my job
7. Save up £2,5oo
8. Go camping
9. Go abroad
10. Go to three gig's
11. Start seeing someone
12. Get a new car

Out of these I expect to do about half of them, so it's gonna be a challenge. But over the coming year I'm gonna update this blog about my life and how I'm doing with my 2012 bucket list! Hopefully by recording it, it will motivate me to do well! Or be a cheap laugh for people who hate me, either way - It's On.