Reading back through my blog, my mood goes up and down like a cliché yo-yo. Well this evening Im down. I just get this overwhelming feeling of massive 'can't-be-assed-ness'. Not like me being lazy and not bothering to do something I mean with life in general.
Like what is the point in putting effort into something when you don't get anything in return.
It's like setting a goal you know your never gonna achieve. Why bother setting it, you start off all hunky dory and motivated, but you know you're just going to fail and be miserable because of it.
I set off to live in Bristol to get away from things and start afresh, but I never wanted to move in the first place. So I was bound to fail and now I just feel crap because of it.
But its not just that, everything just makes you feel crap. Your job, your social and love life and money are the key things that bring people down. Why is that these things can make other people so happy. Are there certain people in the world that just aren't meant to be happy?
Well I used to be happy, but I got that taken from me, and now every time I try and rebuild my happiness it gets thrown back in my face.
I always say I'm not gonna bother trying, and then the next day I pick myself up and motivate myself again and keep going.
I live with constant false hope, and it sucks gravy ass.
So, tonight before I go bed, I'm gonna solve my rubik's cube and feel good about myself knowing that I'm one a of a few amount of people that can do it.
Good. Night.
